Prophetic Word for 2025: The New Word of Faith Movement

I heard the Lord say, “The shield must be in proportion to the sword.”

You cannot wield a massive sword while holding a tiny shield. This speaks of the Word of God in proportion to the shield of faith. There is coming a new Word of Faith movement, but the Lord says, “Do not call this a regurgitation of an old move.

This is not the resurgence of something from the past. NO, this is not even ‘the Word of Faith’—this is the WORD OF GOD that must be established in this generation if My people are going to have the strength required to wield the sword.”

The Lord said that 2024 was the year of the shield. It was a year when the victory was simply the testimony that you are still standing. Those who relied on their own emotions were battered and broken by the winds, but those who stood firm behind the shield of faith endured. Many in 2025 are still standing because they did not rely on the shield of feelings. Instead, they stood strong behind the shield of faith.

But the Lord says, “2025 is the year of the sword.” This is not the year of defense, but the year of offense. It is a year to learn to wield the sword that comes from your lips—the Word of God. This is the year to release the Word of faith, which will inspire people to believe and trust in God.

The shield and the sword are not separate, for faith and the Word work together. As you speak God’s Word in 2025, it will release the power of faith to cut through the darkness, shatter strongholds, and catalyze your calling.

A Crisis of Faith and a Restored Foundation

We have seen a great falling away of young people from the Church. Some say it’s because of a lack of community, others point to a lack of discipleship, and still others blame the scandals in church leadership and the hypocrisy they’ve seen. But the truth is, the crisis of faith we are witnessing is exactly that: a crisis of faith.

This generation has become spiritually anemic because it has placed its trust in man over its confidence in God. Many have built their faith on emotionalism, shallow teaching, or the charisma of leaders, only to be shaken when those things crumbled. Yet the Lord is not destroying His Church—He is revealing the cracks in the foundation. He is exposing the deficiencies, not to bring condemnation, but to bring restoration.

Apostolic and Prophetic Voices Rising

The Lord is raising up apostolic teachers and prophets to repair the broken foundations of His Church. These voices will not echo the trends of the world but will re-establish the Church on the unshakable foundation of Christ and His Word.

This is the only way faith can be restored: through the apostles and prophets, as faith comes by hearing the Word of God (Romans 10:17). Dishonoring the apostolic and prophetic offices will come at a great cost. These offices carry a mandate in this hour to restore the foundations of the Church (see the Foundation of the Church in Ephesians 2:19-20).

Faith is the foundation of the Church, for without faith, it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6). The Lord is calling this generation to a strong, bold, and what some will call “reckless” faith. It will not be reckless in the eyes of God, but it will appear reckless to a world that has grown comfortable with passive belief. This is the faith required to wield the sword of the Spirit effectively—a faith that trusts fully in God and takes Him at His Word.

Faith Without Limits

In 2025, the Lord is calling His people to a faith that is limitless and bold. Many have been conditioned to pray cautiously, to hold back their desires for fear of disappointment. But this is the year to break free from small thinking. Faith is not a whisper—it is a roar, a bold declaration that God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly above all we can ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20).

This is not the year to settle. It is the year to expand your vision, to dream bigger, to write down the impossible and present it before the Lord. Whether it’s revival for a city, healing for a body, provision for a vision, or salvation for a loved one—this is the year to ask, and then ask again.

A Lesson from Alexander the Great

There is a story about a servant of Alexander the Great who approached him with an audacious request. The servant asked for resources to fund a wedding, listing a series of extravagant needs. The advisors around Alexander were appalled at the boldness of the request, seeing it as offensive and out of line. Yet Alexander granted every part of the servant’s request.

When questioned why, Alexander responded: “This servant has honored me by believing I am generous enough to fulfill his request. His boldness reflects his belief in my greatness, and I will not disappoint him.”

Big Faith, Big Asks

In 2025, this is the year to step into Big Faith and make Big Asks of God. This is not a season for small prayers or timid requests. This is a time to approach the throne of grace boldly, bringing not just one, but many audacious prayers before Him.

“Until now, you have not asked for anything in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.” (John 16:24)

This is the season to bring bold, relentless, faith-filled asks before the Lord. Revival for cities, healing for bodies, provision for dreams, salvation for families—no ask is too big. The Lord is looking for those who will take Him at His Word and dare to believe that He is good, generous, and powerful.

A Different Kind of Brokenness

The Words of Nehemiah: "The words of Nehemiah the son of Hacaliah. Now it happened in the month of Chislev, in the twentieth year, as I was in Susa the citadel, that Hanani, one of my brothers, came with certain men from Judah. And I asked them concerning the Jews who escaped, who had survived the exile, and concerning Jerusalem. And they said to me, 'The remnant there in the province who had survived the exile is in great trouble and shame. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates are destroyed by fire.' As soon as I heard these words I sat down and wept and mourned for days, and I continued fasting and praying before the God of heaven." (Nehemiah 1:1-4, ESV)

One of the most incredible leaders in the Bible, and one of the greatest lessons in leadership, is found in the story of Nehemiah.

It’s a story that begins not with a king, a prophet, or a warrior, but with an ordinary man—a slave of sorts—whose heart is broken. Nehemiah served as the cupbearer to the king of Persia, a trusted role that gave him access to power and privilege yet kept him confined to the walls of the palace, far removed from the struggles of his people. Despite his position of comfort, Nehemiah's heart was deeply connected to God and to the plight of his fellow Israelites.

When Nehemiah heard the devastating news about Jerusalem, he didn’t shrug it off or think someone else would handle it. He allowed himself to feel the weight of the tragedy. His grief wasn’t about personal loss but about the condition of God’s people and the glory of God’s name. This kind of sorrow is what we might call "righteous brokenness"—a selfless grief that aligns with the heart of God. It didn’t leave Nehemiah in despair; it propelled him to action.

Brokenness is an inevitable part of life. Whether through personal failure, unforeseen tragedy, or the painful consequences of sin, we all encounter moments that shake us to our core. Yet, what distinguishes Nehemiah is how he responded to his brokenness. Rather than becoming paralyzed by self-pity or overwhelmed by the enormity of the problem, Nehemiah let his grief drive him to intercede, sacrifice, and take bold action.

God does not create brokenness; it is the byproduct of living in a fallen world. However, He can use it as a powerful tool for transformation. The key lies in how we respond. Will we allow our pain to drive us away from God, or will we let it align us with His purposes?

When Nehemiah hears about Jerusalem’s broken walls, he is devastated. But this devastation isn’t self-focused. It is deeply tied to God’s glory, the needs of God’s people, and the hope of restoration. Nehemiah’s grief leads him to take three crucial steps:

1. He Interceded: Nehemiah’s first response was prayer. He fasted, mourned, and cried out to God, acknowledging both the sins of Israel and the greatness of God’s mercy. His brokenness drove him to seek divine intervention.

2. He Sacrificed: As the king’s cupbearer, Nehemiah had access to a life of relative comfort. Yet he was willing to risk everything to approach the king and advocate for the restoration of Jerusalem.

3. He Acted: Nehemiah didn’t stop with prayer and grief. He made a plan, gathered resources, and personally led the effort to rebuild the walls.

Contrasting Responses to Brokenness

There’s a stark difference between selfish and righteous brokenness. Selfish brokenness focuses inward: How will this affect me? It often leads to bitterness, isolation, and a sense of victimhood. In contrast, righteous brokenness shifts the focus outward, aligning our grief with God’s heart. It compels us to ask: What does this mean for God’s glory? How can I respond in a way that honors Him?

For Nehemiah, his heartbreak wasn’t about how the ruins of Jerusalem inconvenienced him personally. He was broken for God’s people, God’s glory, and God’s plan.

Why This Matters Today

Nehemiah’s story reminds us that brokenness doesn’t have to destroy us. In fact, it can be the very catalyst for profound transformation and restoration. When we encounter brokenness—whether in our lives, our communities, or the world around us—we have a choice: to wallow in self-pity or to align our hearts with God’s and take action.

Ask yourself: What breaks your heart today? Is it something that aligns with God’s heart, or is it rooted in selfishness? When we allow God to shape our brokenness, He can use it to rebuild what has been lost and to demonstrate His faithfulness.

Let righteous brokenness move you to:

• Intercede for others in prayer.

• Sacrifice your comfort for the sake of God’s glory.

• Take bold action, trusting that God is with you every step of the way.

WHAT BREAKS YOUR HEART?

What breaks your heart today? Is it something that aligns with God’s heart, or is it rooted in selfishness? Ask God to show you what breaks His heart and how He wants you to respond. Let righteous brokenness propel you toward intercession, sacrifice, and action.

Just as Nehemiah’s brokenness led to the restoration of Jerusalem, your brokenness—aligned with God’s heart—can lead to restoration, healing, and transformation for you and those around you.

Prophetic Word for Canada

I’m aware that my friend Prophet Charlie Shamp has recently released a prophetic word for Canada. I did not read the word, but I did see the part on social media where he spoke about a transition in government and a new leader who would begin to take the nation in a new, godly direction.

Let me just say, I am not a prophet—I am a pastor. But we, as His sheep, can all hear, know, and share what we hear our great Shepherd saying. And here is what I believe the Shepherd is saying to His Church in Canada.

A Nation Poised for Revival

Canada, the Lord has not forgotten you. There is a mantle of revival and reformation over your nation, and the seeds of past moves of God are ready to sprout once more. The Spirit of the Lord is hovering over your land, preparing to breathe new life into dry places and awaken dormant wells of revival.

As in 1948 with the Latter Rain Revival, and in 1994 with the Toronto Blessing, Canada has been chosen as a birthplace of global spiritual movements. These moves were not just moments in history—they were divine deposits meant to grow and mature. The time has come for a fresh outpouring, one that will ignite the hearts of a new generation.

A Youth Revival in Vancouver, British Columbia

When I speak about a youth revival in Vancouver, British Columbia, this is not something the Lord has spoken to me specifically, but rather something He brought back to my mind. The Lord reminded me of a prophetic word released through Prophet Bobby Conner. Each time Bobby would come to our church, he would remind us of God's promise for Vancouver, British Columbia, and the youth—including what he called “the street kids”—that would begin to gather and experience the outpouring of God’s Spirit.

Bobby Conner would declare that if there were those willing to gather and seek the Lord in Vancouver, He would pour out His Spirit in a mighty way. I felt inspired by the Lord to re-declare this word as we step into 2025. I believe this promise is still alive, waiting for a generation to seize it. If there are those who would gather in Vancouver with pure hearts, seeking the Lord, He will show up with power and pour out His Spirit on the youth.

This revival will not be confined to a building or an event. It will be organic, powerful, and unstoppable. It will ignite in the hearts of young people, spread into the streets, and awaken entire communities to the reality of God’s presence. The "street kids" Bobby prophesied about will not only experience transformation but will become carriers of revival, taking the fire of God into places the Church has long struggled to reach.

A Shift in the Heavens

The recent leadership transition in Canada, including the resignation of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, is not the cause of this shift but a reflection of what has already been established in the heavens. The Book of Revelation reminds us that what happens on earth must first be established in heaven.

I do not find it an accident that I was allowed to minister in Canada during this pivotal week. While there, I had the privilege of meeting a 91-year-old gentleman who, as a 17-year-old, participated in the Latter Rain Revival. Without knowing his history, I had the opportunity to prophesy over him, speaking into his life and calling. It was only later that I learned of his firsthand experience of what God did during that powerful outpouring.

For me, these were two significant confirmations from the Lord: first, that the seeds planted in Canada’s revival history have never been forgotten, and second, that the time for harvest is now.

A Call to Action for Canada’s Church

Canada, the Spirit of God has declared a shift in the heavens, and now the earth is aligning with this decree. The Church in Canada must rise with boldness and authority, walking in unity and intentionality. This is not the time for complacency or passivity. The Lord is calling His Church in Canada to step into her authority as the ekklesia, the governing body of Christ on the earth.

This is a moment to seek the Lord with desperation and humility. The promise of revival is real, but it must be stewarded. Let the youth gather. Let the hungry come together to seek God. He will meet you with a mighty outpouring. Canada, you are standing at the threshold of a new era of revival, restoration, and reformation.

Understanding the True Potential of Rejection

Let’s be honest—rejection is tough. That gut-punch of “No thanks, we’re good without you” can leave you questioning your worth, your efforts, and sometimes even your purpose. But what if rejection isn’t a full stop? What if it’s a divine opportunity? What if being canceled, overlooked, or unappreciated is actually positioning you for something greater?

One reason rejection stings so deeply is our culture's obsession with acceptance and applause.

The Trap of Approval

Today’s culture thrives on crowd applause. Success is often measured by how much the world celebrates you. One day, you’re the star; the next, you’re canceled with a single hashtag.

But in the Kingdom of God, popularity doesn’t equal success. The metrics are different. Even Jesus—God in human form—was rejected by the very people He came to save. Yet, His rejection wasn’t failure. In fact, rejection was the pathway to His ultimate victory.

Rejection Won’t Order My Steps

Isaiah 53:3 reminds us:
“He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.”

John 1:11 echoes:
“He came to that which was His own, but His own did not receive Him.”

Jesus faced rejection at every turn—by His people, His disciples, and His hometown. Yet, rejection never re-routed Him.

So here’s the question: if rejection didn’t control Jesus, why does it have so much power over us?

The answer lies in fear. Fear gives rejection its power. Because Jesus didn’t fear rejection, it never controlled Him. He stayed on course, unfazed by others’ opinions.

Let’s be real—most of us aren’t naturally that resilient.

We allow rejection to steer us off course.

• We hold back on dreams, fearing ridicule.

• We avoid risks because we’re afraid of a “no.”

• We guard our hearts because vulnerability invites rejection.

When we fear rejection, we let it dictate our direction. But here’s the truth: rejection doesn’t have to define you; through God’s grace, it can refine you.

Rejected, Yet Still Connected

Picture this: Jesus is hanging on the cross. The crowd mocks Him. His closest friends abandon Him. It’s the ultimate rejection. Yet, in that moment, He prays:
“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).

Even in rejection, Jesus stayed connected—to His Father and His purpose. He didn’t let bitterness take root. Instead, He turned rejection into an opportunity to reflect God’s love.

When rejection comes your way, where do you turn?

• Do you let bitterness fester?

• Or do you run to the One who heals and restores?

Rejection reveals where we place our trust. Is your functional savior the approval of people, or is it the unshakable presence of God?

Staying connected to God empowers you to rise above rejection.

Rejected but Infinitely Loved

Psalm 118:22 declares:
“The stone the builders rejected has become the cornerstone.”

Jesus, rejected by humanity, became the foundation of salvation for all. His rejection didn’t derail God’s plan—it fulfilled it.

Here’s the gospel truth: Jesus was rejected in His perfection so we, in our imperfection, could be infinitely accepted.

When rejection tempts you to despair, remember:

• Jesus was rejected by His people, yet He became their Savior.

• He was mocked by the crowd, yet He died for their sins.

• He was cast out, yet He became the cornerstone of eternity.

If God turned Jesus’ rejection into redemption, imagine what He can do with your story.

Was the Mission of Love a Failure?

At first glance, Jesus’ life might seem like a failure. He wasn’t popular. He died a criminal’s death. He was rejected by the very people He came to save.

But in God’s Kingdom, rejection isn’t failure—it’s the pathway to victory.

Jesus’ rejection was the ultimate display of God’s love. So if you’ve faced rejection, take heart:

• God still has a purpose for you.

• Rejection isn’t the end—it’s a bend in the road toward something greater.

• With Jesus, rejection can lead to resurrection.

Rejection doesn’t get the final say. God does. So let go of the sting of rejection. Stay connected to God’s presence. Trust Him to direct and resurrect your story.

Prayer:

Father, thank You that rejection has no power to define or defeat me. Just as You turned Jesus’ rejection into victory, turn my pain into purpose. Help me trust You in the midst of life’s painful processes. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Declaration:

I may get rejected, but my steps are still being directed. I am not defined by rejection—by God’s grace, I am refined by it. When I am rejected, I am reminded of my connection with the Father. Rejection is not punishment from God; it’s an opportunity for Him to show His fatherly love in my trial.

The Weeping God

The Avoided Conversation Regarding the Humanity of the Christ

Jesus is the most misunderstood figure in human history. And when you add his humanity to the equation, people get uncomfortable. The idea of God becoming flesh—not just to preach sermons and perform miracles, but to sweat, cry, and feel overwhelmed—is something many prefer to avoid. It’s messy. It’s vulnerable. And it makes us confront emotions we’d rather bury. But that’s precisely why it matters. If you’ve ever felt alone, crushed by sorrow, or betrayed, then the humanity of Jesus is not just relevant—it’s essential.

When we look at the account in Gethsemane we see that Jesus has just shared the Last Supper, and Judas has left to finalize his betrayal. Now, Jesus takes his closest friends to a garden—a place meant for rest and reflection. But tonight, it becomes the setting for an emotional storm.

"My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me."

Pause.

Let those words sink in.

The Son of God, the one who walked on water and fed thousands with a boy’s lunch, admits he is overwhelmed. Not just sad. Not just stressed. Overwhelmed to the point of death. This is vulnerability on a level we rarely see, and it’s coming from the one we often expect to be invincible.

And what do his disciples do? They fall asleep. Not once. Not twice. Three times. Jesus—at his most vulnerable—is left to face the weight of the world alone.

This moment is heartbreakingly human. Jesus doesn’t suppress his emotions. He doesn’t pretend to be fine. He acknowledges his sorrow, and he invites his friends to share the burden. But even when they fail him, he doesn’t turn to anger or resentment. He turns to the Father.

Why This Offends Us

The humanity of Jesus offends our sensibilities. For the Jews of his time, the idea of God becoming human was blasphemous. God is holy, transcendent, and untouchable—not someone who bleeds and weeps. For the Greeks, it was absurd. Their gods might mingle with humans, but they never lowered themselves to human frailty. And for us? We’re uncomfortable with a Jesus who feels too much like us. We want him to be strong, stoic, and always in control—the hero who saves the day without breaking a sweat.

But this, is the paradox. Jesus’ humanity doesn’t diminish his divinity. It magnifies it! The infinite stepping into the finite is not a sign of weakness but of immeasurable love. It’s a God who refuses to stay distant, choosing instead to walk with us, feel with us, and ultimately suffer for us.

Jesus’ humanity also forces us to confront our own fragility. If he, the Son of God, experienced sorrow and needed connection, how much more do we? And yet, we often isolate ourselves, avoiding vulnerability at all costs. To admit weakness feels like failure. But Jesus teaches us that admitting our frailty is where true strength begins.

What Jesus does here is remarkable. He acknowledges His feelings honestly and vulnerably, inviting His closest friends into that space. But most importantly, He takes it all to His Father. He submits His emotions and His life to God, not demanding a change in the situation, but surrendering to the Father’s will. He demonstrates that if this is what the Father desires, then it is what He desires too.

Jesus didn’t just cheer up

Most of us have been conditioned to see emotions as a liability. If you’re sad, you’re told to cheer up. If you’re angry, you’re told to calm down. If you’re overwhelmed, you’re told to pull yourself together. But Jesus challenges this mindset. He doesn’t deny His feelings—He acknowledges them. He doesn’t hide His sorrow—He expresses it. And in doing so, He shows us that emotions are not something to fear or suppress—they are part of what it means to be fully human.

When Jesus says, “My soul is overwhelmed to the point of death,” He validates every moment you’ve ever felt crushed by life. He shows us that sorrow and strength can coexist. That it’s okay to feel deeply, as long as we bring those feelings to the One who can carry them.

This is a lesson many of us resist. We live in a culture that values productivity over presence. We’re told to “push through” rather than pause and process. But Jesus pauses. He prays. He doesn’t rush past His grief; He sits with it. And in that sitting, in that acknowledging, He shows us that vulnerability is not weakness—it’s an act of strength.

The humanity of Jesus is not a footnote in his story; it’s the heartbeat of the Gospel. Through his emotions—his sorrow, his anger, his vulnerability—we see a God who doesn’t just sympathize with our struggles but fully understands them. Jesus lived, suffered, and overcame so that we might find hope in our darkest moments. He shows us that it’s okay to feel deeply, to acknowledge pain, and to invite others into our journey. Most importantly, he reminds us to bring everything to the Father.

Whether you’re wrestling with grief, anger, or a storm you can’t yet name, remember this: You are not alone. Just as Jesus endured for the joy set before him, we too can stand firm, knowing that redemption is on the horizon. You may feel overwhelmed, but you are not overcome. Keep standing, keep trusting, and let the humanity and divinity of Christ carry you through.

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About the Author

Darren Stott is a pastor, speaker, and author known for his passion for seeing lives transformed by the presence of God. As the Lead Pastor of Eden Church, Darren has dedicated his life to creating spaces where people can encounter God’s love and power. He is also the founder of the brand-new 10:10 Group, Supernatural School, and Portals University, initiatives designed to equip individuals to walk in their full identity and purpose.

Stay connected with Darren by visiting www.darrenstott.com. Join the mailing list to stay updated on new resources, events, and teachings, including updates on the 10:10 Group, Supernatural School, and Portals University. Your journey into deeper faith and supernatural living starts here.

Did God Wear a Diaper?

The Creator of the universe took His first wobbly steps, probably fell, and got back up. That’s the humility of God in action.

"The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth." 

— John 1:14

When we think about the story of Christmas, it’s easy to focus on the manger, the shepherds, and the star shining brightly in the night. But how often do we stop to ponder the scandalous, profound reality of what this all means? God—infinite, all-powerful, and holy—became human. Not a polished, glowing superhero, but a vulnerable baby who cried, stumbled, and grew up facing the struggles of everyday life.

This article dives into the often-overlooked topic of Christ’s humanity, a subject rarely emphasized in charismatic and supernatural circles. In these communities, there’s a strong focus on Jesus’ miracles, His power, and His authority. And while these aspects are undeniably true and central to our faith, they can sometimes overshadow the equally critical truth of His humanity. Yet, understanding this truth is vital. It reminds us that Jesus didn’t just come to save us; He came to fully experience and redeem what it means to be human.

Why "Son of Man"?

Why "Son of Man"? It’s a title with deep roots, appearing prominently in Ezekiel and Daniel. But more than a nod to prophecy, it reminds us that Jesus wasn’t just some untouchable God; He was flesh and blood. He was fully human. He likely stubbed His toe, sneezed, and experienced hunger just like us. And yes, He wept. But let’s make sure we’re telling the whole story. Yes, He wept, but He also raised the dead with bold, raw, passionate faith. Let’s not reduce Him to a distorted portrayal—a crybaby wandering around in tears. He wept when compassion called for it, but He also declared life into a tomb and brought a man, four days dead, back to life.

And that’s where the story gets electrifying. Picture the moment Jesus calls Lazarus out of the tomb. Four days dead, and suddenly Lazarus is walking out, wrapped in grave clothes, looking like he just stumbled off the set of The Mummy Returns. This isn’t just about tears; it’s about a Savior with the power to transform even the most hopeless situations into miracles. 

Humanity and Divinity in Balance

Jesus’ humanity and divinity exist in perfect balance. Often, Christians split into camps, leaning heavily on one aspect and ignoring the other. Some focus so much on His humanity that He becomes a moral teacher, a motivator—stripped of His power. Others emphasize His divinity, painting Him as an untouchable being disconnected from human struggles.

But here’s the truth: Jesus is both. Fully God. Fully man. Fully committed to entering our messy, awkward, and beautifully human existence.

The Infinite Became Finite

John 1 sets the stage: “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” This isn’t just some poetic intro; it’s a theological mic drop. Jesus was there at creation. He spoke galaxies into existence. And yet, He chose to enter His creation as a helpless infant.

Did God wear a diaper?

It’s a question worth pondering.

The humility of God entering humanity as a helpless infant should challenge our assumptions and redefine what it means to embrace weakness for the sake of others.

Dwelling Among Us

Here’s where it gets interesting. The Word became flesh and dwelt among us.

Not visited.

Not phoned it in.

Dwelt.

That’s like saying He moved into the neighborhood, set up shop, and became part of the HOA.

He didn’t just come to fix humanity; He came to experience it fully, to become one of us, and to transform it forever.

In Jesus, we see a God who chose to walk in our shoes, feel our pain, and redeem every corner of our existence. This was not a distant rescue mission—it was a total immersion into the human story. Hunger, fatigue, rejection—all of it. And yet, He didn’t lose His divinity. He embraced weakness so that through Him, we could find strength.

The Obsession with Perfection

Now, we live in a world obsessed with perfection. Social media is a circus of filters and AI apps. We’ve traded authenticity for algorithms. Even our role models have become distorted portrayals of strength and self-sufficiency.

But here’s Jesus, the original disruptor, stepping into history not as a polished influencer but as a baby who had to learn how to walk, talk, and navigate humanity just like us. Think about that: The Creator of the universe took His first wobbly steps, probably fell, and got back up. That’s the humility of God in action.

What does this mean for us today?

It means that God isn’t looking for polished perfection; He’s looking for surrendered authenticity.

In a world that celebrates curated lives, Jesus reminds us to embrace our humanity—to acknowledge our flaws, imperfections, and need for growth. The message of the Incarnation is that God meets us in the mess, not when we’ve cleaned everything up.

Practically, this challenges us to live counter-culturally. Stop hiding behind filters, literal or metaphorical. Be real in your relationships. Share your struggles instead of masking them. Growth happens in the raw, unedited parts of life, and that’s where God works most powerfully.

Jesus didn’t come into a perfect world or a perfect situation. He stepped into brokenness and showed us that grace flourishes in imperfection. For us, this means rejecting the relentless pursuit of unattainable standards and resting in the knowledge that we are fully loved and accepted as we are. But it also means being willing to grow—not to achieve perfection, but to become more like Christ each day.

To Be or Not to Be

Now let’s talk about that word: become. It’s not a static state; it’s a process. Even Jesus had to grow in wisdom and stature, as Luke tells us. If He had to grow, how much more do we need to embrace the process of becoming? To be or not to be is more than Shakespearean angst. It’s the crossroads we face every day. Do we lean into growth, even when it’s uncomfortable, or do we retreat into the safety of the status quo?

Hamlet’s famous question, “To be or not to be,” is one of the most well-known lines in English literature. At its core, it grapples with the fundamental question of existence: Should one endure the pain and trials of life, or escape them through surrender? Hamlet was wrestling with despair, but his question invites us to consider the choices we make when faced with challenges.

This question points us directly to Jesus, who answered it in the most profound way possible.

He chose “to be.”

He chose to become flesh, to live among us, and to experience the full spectrum of human existence. He didn’t avoid pain, hunger, rejection, or even death. Jesus actively stepped into our broken world, choosing obedience to the Father’s will, surrendering His divine privileges, and fully embracing humanity. This wasn’t just a philosophical decision—it was a decisive act of love.

In the same way, we are invited to answer this question in our own lives. Will we choose “to be”? To live fully, to obey God’s call, to embrace the messy and uncomfortable process of growth and transformation? Choosing “to be” means stepping out of fear and into faith. It means surrendering control and trusting that God is weaving our trials into His redemptive story.

When we choose “to be,” we choose life—life in all its raw, unfiltered beauty and difficulty. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. Just as Jesus’ decision to “to be” changed the world forever, our daily decision to live fully and obediently can have a profound impact on our lives and the lives of those around us.

Growth is Messy

Here’s the thing about becoming: It’s messy. Marriage, for example, isn’t some magical union where you instantly become one. It’s a process of ironing out wrinkles—and let’s be real, some of those wrinkles feel more like tectonic plates. But over time, grace transforms two individuals into a union that reflects God’s design. The same is true in our walk with Christ. We don’t wake up one day fully practically perfect in every way. It’s a journey of grace upon grace, stumbling forward into the person God created us to be.

Real-Life Application: Three Ways to Begin

1. Stop Hiding Behind Filters: Whether literal filters on social media or the figurative masks we wear in relationships, let them go. Be honest about where you are, what you’re struggling with, and where you need God to work.

2. Embrace the Mess: Life isn’t supposed to look perfect. Growth happens when we let God into the untidy, chaotic parts of our lives. Don’t wait until you feel ready or “put together” to step into what He’s calling you to do.

3. Pursue Progress, Not Perfection: Jesus didn’t call us to flawless living but to faithful following. Focus on daily growth, trusting that His grace is sufficient for each step you take forward.

Celebrating the Process

So this Christmas, let’s not just celebrate a baby in a manger. Let’s celebrate the God who became flesh, who dwelt among us, and who invites us into the messy, glorious process of becoming. The Creator entered our story, embraced our weaknesses, and showed us that there is profound beauty in growth. Let’s step into the new year with a renewed commitment to say yes to God’s invitation to grow, transform, and become.

In the end, it’s not about where you’ve been or even where you are. It’s about where you’re becoming. Through Jesus, we are reminded that life is not a finished product but an ongoing journey. In Christ, we’re becoming something extraordinary.

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About the Author

Darren Stott is a pastor, speaker, and author with a passion for helping people embrace their identity in Christ and navigate the process of becoming who God has called them to be. He leads with humor, insight, and a deep commitment to the truth of the Gospel. If this article encouraged you, please like, comment, and share it with others who might need the reminder that God’s grace is at work in their lives.

How Poor Counseling Can Hurt Your Marriage

Welcome to the final article in our series, What to Do When Your Marriage is in Trouble. If you’ve just joined us, I encourage you to start from the beginning of the series. Each installment builds on the last, helping you create a roadmap for addressing challenges in your marriage one step at a time.

Today, we’re focusing on one of the most critical—and sometimes misunderstood—aspects of marital healing: seeking outside help.

Whether you’re facing communication breakdowns, toxic control patterns, or even navigating the complex terrain of a narcissistic spouse, involving the right third party can make all the difference. But how do you know where to start? And how do you find someone who can genuinely help? Let’s explore this in detail.

The Role of a Neutral Third Party: Pastor, Counselor, or Both?

When you realize you can’t fix things on your own, the next logical step is to involve a neutral third party. This could be a pastor, a professional counselor, or, in many cases, both. Each has a unique role to play, and understanding their strengths and limitations will help you make the most of their involvement.

Is a Pastor a Professional Counselor?

The short answer? No.

While pastors often have years of experience offering spiritual guidance, most are not trained as professional counselors. Their role is to provide biblical wisdom, pray with you, and help you explore God’s design for marriage. However, when it comes to complex dynamics like trauma, abuse, or mental health disorders, they usually lack the specialized training to dive deep into these issues.

Think of a pastor as your first responder. They’re an excellent resource for one to three visits, during which they can listen, pray, and offer biblical perspective. But after those initial sessions, it’s often best to ask for a referral. Most pastors have a network of trusted, spirit-filled, biblically-centered counselors they can recommend. This referral can bridge the gap between spiritual guidance and clinical expertise.

When Should You Transition to a Professional Counselor?

Here are some clear indicators it’s time to involve a professional counselor:

• Complex or Recurring Issues: Patterns of conflict that persist despite your best efforts.

• Trauma or Abuse: Emotional, physical, or psychological harm that requires deep healing.

• Mental Health Concerns: Anxiety, depression, addiction, or other conditions impacting one or both spouses.

• Narcissism: If one spouse exhibits manipulative or controlling behaviors, a specialized counselor is often necessary.

While pastors provide invaluable spiritual support, professional counselors offer tools, strategies, and clinical insights that are vital for addressing these deeper challenges.

Special Considerations for Narcissistic Marriages

If you’re married to a narcissist, counseling isn’t just challenging—it’s an advanced-level game of emotional chess. Narcissists are master manipulators, capable of twisting the narrative and charming even the most well-meaning counselors or pastors. Without the right guidance, the counseling process can leave you feeling more frustrated and confused than when you started.

Here’s the reality: narcissists thrive on control. They can present themselves as the victim, the hero, or the misunderstood genius, all while subtly gaslighting and deflecting blame. They may even use counseling as another stage to assert dominance. That’s why finding the right counselor—one who specializes in narcissistic abuse and high-conflict relationships—isn’t optional; it’s critical. Here’s how to make that happen:

1. Seek Referrals from Trusted Sources

Start with your pastor or church leadership. Many pastors maintain connections with Christian counselors who specialize in high-conflict marriages and abusive dynamics. But here’s the catch: not every pastor or counselor is equipped to handle narcissistic behavior. Be clear about your situation when asking for recommendations.

2. Look for Specific Expertise

Not all counselors are created equal, and in narcissistic marriages, you need someone who’s fluent in the language of manipulation. Look for counselors who explicitly list experience in narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, and high-conflict relationships. A generalist counselor might be great for communication issues, but they’re not prepared to untangle the web of control and charm a narcissist spins.

3. Ask the Right Questions

A little interview with your potential counselor can go a long way in determining if they’re the right fit. Ask them directly:

• How do you address narcissistic behaviors in a counseling session?

• What strategies do you use to ensure both spouses are heard without enabling manipulation?

• How do you integrate biblical principles with clinical practices when working with high-conflict marriages?

If they fumble these questions or give vague answers, keep looking. You need someone who isn’t intimidated by a narcissist’s bravado or tactics.

4. Protect Yourself During the Process

Narcissists are skilled at using counseling as another tool to maintain control. They may try to manipulate the sessions, twist your words, or even charm the counselor into taking their side. This is why it’s crucial to have a counselor who’s seen these tactics before and knows how to navigate them. If you feel unheard or invalidated, speak up—or consider switching counselors.

Vetting Your Pastor: Are They Equipped to Help?

If you decide to begin with your pastor, here are a few things to consider:

• Experience with Marital Issues: Ask if they’ve worked with couples facing similar challenges.

• Approach to Confidentiality: Confirm that your discussions will remain private.

• Willingness to Refer: A good pastor will know their limits and recommend professional help when necessary.

If your pastor is willing but lacks experience or training, be gracious. Thank them for their time and ask for a referral to someone with the expertise your situation requires.

How to Find a Spirit-Filled, Christian Counselor

Finding a counselor who is both clinically skilled and biblically grounded takes effort, but it’s worth it. Here’s how to start:

1. Use Trusted Resources
   Check with your church, pastor, or organizations like the American Association of Christian Counselors for recommendations.

2. Research Their Credentials
   Look for licensed professionals (LMFT, LPC, or similar) who specialize in marriage counseling. Verify their training in trauma, abuse, or high-conflict relationships if needed.

3. Pray for Discernment
   Ask God to guide you to the right person. He knows your situation better than anyone and can open doors you hadn’t considered.

Interviewing a Counselor: Making Sure It’s the Right Fit

Interviewing a Counselor: Making Sure It’s the Right Fit

When you meet a potential counselor, treat the first session like a job interview. They’re not just here to hear your feelings and nod; they’re here to guide you through some of the most complicated, emotionally charged terrain you’ll ever encounter. You’re putting your marriage on the table, and not everyone’s equipped to handle that responsibility. Let’s break down how you figure out if they’re the real deal or just a well-meaning amateur with a clipboard.

What’s Your Experience with Marital Challenges?

The first question you need to ask is: “Have you actually worked with couples like us before?” This isn’t a time for vague philosophical musings about love or humanity. You want specifics. If they’ve spent the last 20 years helping people overcome fear of public speaking, that’s great, but it won’t help you figure out why your marriage feels like a Cold War standoff.

A solid counselor should be able to explain their experience clearly. “Yes, I’ve worked with couples dealing with trust issues, communication breakdowns, and power imbalances. Here’s how I approach it.” That’s the kind of answer you’re looking for. If they start saying things like, “Well, all relationships are unique,” that’s counselor-speak for, “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

Marriage counseling is a specialized field. If you’re dealing with complex dynamics like narcissism or manipulation, you need someone who’s not just good but very good. Think of it like going to a mechanic. You wouldn’t bring your Tesla to a guy who’s only ever worked on lawnmowers.

Finding the Right Christian Counselor: Spirit-Filled, Biblically Sound, and Grounded

When looking for a counselor as a Christian, it’s essential to find someone who shares your Biblical values, and is equipped to balance spiritual truths with practical strategies.

Ask them directly: “How do you integrate biblical principles into your counseling?”

This isn’t just about knowing Bible verses—it’s about how they weave those principles into the real-world tools you need for healing and growth.

A solid Christian counselor might say, “I view marriage as a covenant before God, not just a contract. I incorporate biblical principles alongside evidence-based practices to help couples address challenges and grow closer.” This reflects a healthy balance between faith and practical application.

However, avoid extremes. Some counselors may lean too heavily into the "woo-woo" zone, where everything is left up to supernatural intervention without addressing the practical work required for change. While it’s amazing to have a Spirit-filled counselor, remember that neither the Holy Spirit nor the counselor can “supernaturally fix” the deeper patterns or “software issues” of your soul. Healing takes effort, responsibility, and intentionality from both you and your spouse.

At the same time, avoid counselors who dismiss faith entirely with comments like, “We don’t deal with religion here.” Your counselor should see your relationship as more than just a partnership—it’s a spiritual journey as well.

Ultimately, the Holy Spirit will be faithful to do what only He can do, but rebuilding your marriage requires you to step into the hard work of change.

A Christian counselor who is biblically literate, Spirit-filled, and grounded can guide you, but transformation begins when you’re ready to take responsibility and actively participate in the process.

What’s Your Strategy for Addressing Manipulative or Controlling Behaviors?

If your marriage involves manipulation or control—and let’s be honest, most relationships have a little of that—this question is critical.

Ask: “How do you address manipulative or controlling behaviors in counseling?”

This is where a counselor proves whether they’re playing checkers or chess. A good one will tell you they focus on creating a safe space, balancing power dynamics, and identifying unhealthy patterns without immediately vilifying one spouse.

A bad one might say, “We let the couple work it out together.” Well, that’s great if you’re arguing over where to eat, but if one person is gaslighting the other, “working it out” isn’t going to cut it.

A great counselor knows that manipulation thrives in ambiguity. They’ll bring clarity to the situation by calling out toxic behaviors, setting boundaries, and ensuring both partners are heard. You need someone who’s not afraid to say, “Hey, that’s not okay,” even if it ruffles some feathers.

What’s Your Approach to Confidentiality?

Confidentiality is the glue that holds counseling together. Without it, you’re just venting to a stranger who might as well livestream your sessions. So ask: “What’s your approach to confidentiality?”

A competent counselor will explain their rules upfront. Generally, everything you say stays in the room—unless there’s abuse, threats of harm, or something legally mandated.

They’ll also clarify how they handle joint sessions versus individual sessions. If one of you spills a secret during a solo session, will they keep it private or bring it up later in front of your spouse? These are things you need to know.

If their answer is vague or they seem dismissive about confidentiality, it’s a no-go. You’re here to build trust, not create more reasons to distrust the process.

What to Look For in Their Answers

When you ask these questions, pay attention to more than just the words. A good counselor’s responses should make you feel safe, understood, and hopeful. Here’s what to look for:

1. Clarity: They should explain their approach without sounding like they just Googled “marriage counseling 101.”

2. Confidence: They know what they’re doing and aren’t afraid to lay out their strategy.

3. Balance: They’re empathetic but firm, addressing issues without taking sides prematurely.

If you walk away from the session thinking, “I trust this person to help us unpack our mess without making it worse,” you’ve probably found a keeper.

Red Flags to Watch Out For in a Counselor

Finding the right counselor is like picking a mechanic for your soul. You wouldn’t trust your car to someone who says, “Let’s just pray over the engine and see what happens,” and you shouldn’t trust your marriage to someone who dodges your questions or pushes their own agenda. So, let’s dive into what to avoid:

1. Avoidance

If you ask, “How do you integrate faith into your counseling?” and they respond with, “Well, we kind of just go with the flow,” run. Fast. Vague answers are the counseling equivalent of bringing a spoon to a knife fight—they’re just not equipped for the complexity of your situation. You need someone who knows how to dive deep, not someone who’s skimming the surface.

2. Over-Siding

If your counselor immediately takes one spouse’s side—congratulations, you just paid for a referee, not a counselor. A good counselor stays neutral to help both of you uncover the truth. If they’re already picking favorites, they’re not ready to handle the dynamics of your relationship. You don’t need a cheerleader for one side; you need a coach for the whole team.

3. Dismissiveness

Picture this: You open up about a major issue, and they say, “Oh yeah, I’ve seen this a thousand times. It’s no big deal.”

Translation? They’ve either lost their passion for helping or they’re too jaded to care. If your problems feel small to them, how can they help you tackle the big stuff? You want a counselor who listens like your problems matter—because they do.

4. Too Woo-Woo

Look, it’s great to have a Spirit-filled counselor, but if their solution to every problem is “Let’s just pray about it and let God do the rest,” they’re overselling the supernatural. The Holy Spirit is powerful, no doubt, but He’s not your marriage mechanic here to fix everything while you binge Netflix. You and your spouse have to do the work. It’s not magic; it’s effort.

5. Faithless Faith

On the flip side, if they dismiss faith altogether with something like, “Oh, we don’t really get into religion here,” that’s a hard pass. You’re not looking for a lecture on cognitive behavioral therapy devoid of God; you’re looking for someone who gets that your faith is part of the solution.

Trust Your Gut

At the end of the day, you’ve got to trust your instincts. A counselor might check all the professional boxes but still not feel like the right fit for you and your spouse. And that’s okay. This is one of the most important decisions you’ll make for your marriage, so don’t settle.

If you feel safe, respected, and understood, you’re on the right track. If not, keep looking. There’s a counselor out there who’s ready to help you navigate this journey with wisdom, compassion, and a healthy dose of practicality. Don’t stop until you find them.

After all, this isn’t just about fixing what’s broken—it’s about building something better. And that’s worth the effort.

Maximizing the Counseling Process

Counseling isn’t like ordering a pizza—you can’t just show up, pay the fee, and expect all your problems to be neatly delivered with extra cheese. It’s a process that takes time, effort, and a big ol’ dose of honesty. Here’s how to make sure you’re squeezing every drop of value out of those sessions.

1. Be Transparent

This isn’t the time for polite smiles or holding back because you’re afraid of judgment. If your marriage is falling apart over toothpaste cap placement or silent treatment stand-offs, say so. A counselor can’t help with what they don’t know.

Pretending everything is fine is like taking a broken car to the mechanic and saying, “Oh, it’s just a little noise.”

Share the real struggles, your fears, and your goals—ugly parts and all. Transparency opens the door for real healing.

2. Do the Work

Counselors don’t just hand out magical advice that instantly transforms your relationship. They give you tools—assignments, exercises, and insights—that require your participation.

It’s like going to the gym: you don’t get stronger by sitting on the bench scrolling Instagram. If your counselor suggests communication exercises or journaling, don’t roll your eyes and skip it. Those little assignments are where the rubber meets the road.

3. Stay Prayerful

God’s not just a backup plan for when counseling gets hard—He’s the foundation. Pray before and after each session. Ask God to open your heart, bring clarity to the mess, and heal what’s broken.

Counseling isn’t about inviting God into just one part of the process; it’s about making Him part of the entire journey. And here’s the beauty: as you invite God in, you might find Him working not only through the counselor but in your heart, too.

4. Manage Your Expectations

This isn’t a TV drama where breakthroughs happen by the end of the episode.

Counseling takes time, and change is often slow and unglamorous. Some weeks will feel like you’re making huge strides; others, like you’re stuck in neutral. Trust the process. Healing isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress.

5. Take Responsibility

Sure, your counselor has wisdom and tools, but they aren’t your personal problem-fixer. The Holy Spirit isn’t going to swoop in and fix what you refuse to acknowledge or work on. Both you and your spouse have to take responsibility for your part in the mess. This means owning up to mistakes, apologizing, forgiving, and making changes. The counselor is your guide, not your savior.

6. Keep Showing Up

There will be days when you don’t feel like going, when it seems easier to avoid the hard conversations or just throw in the towel.

Go anyway.

Sometimes, just showing up and staying engaged is the breakthrough you didn’t know you needed.

A Final Word

Seeking outside help isn’t a sign of failure; it’s a courageous step toward healing. Whether you start with your pastor, a professional counselor, or both, the key is to find someone equipped to guide you through the unique challenges of your situation.

If you’re married to a narcissist or navigating patterns of control and manipulation, healing can feel overwhelming. But with the right support—and a firm commitment to truth—you can find freedom and restoration. God designed marriage to be a reflection of His love, not a prison of control or fear. Taking action to restore your relationship honors that design.

About Darren Stott

Darren Stott is a pastor, speaker, and senior leader of Eden Church, a movement focused on freedom, healing, and restoration. With campuses in Arlington and Newcastle, Washington, Darren is passionate about helping individuals and couples find hope and healing through biblical truth and practical wisdom.

For more resources, insights, and invitations to special events, join our email list at darrenstott.com. Let’s navigate this journey together, one step at a time.

OMG, I MARRIED DARTH VADE!!!

We’re continuing our blog series on What to Do When Your Marriage is in Trouble. If you haven’t caught the previous entries yet, do yourself a favor and go back to the beginning. Trust me—it’s worth it for the full picture, because all of these ideas build on each other.

But today, we’re diving into something serious: what to do when you realize you’re married to someone who… let’s just say it… has a bit too much in common with Darth Vader.

Surviving Darth Vader: The Straight Talk on Abuse and Control in Relationships

When it comes to relationships, there’s a lot of murky water to wade through.

A lot.

You’ve got roses, chocolates, and date nights on one side, and then on the other, you’ve got all those hard conversations, the resentments, and—let’s be honest—the outright toxicity that sometimes sneaks in the back door like a raccoon that just discovered your trash can.

Abuse in relationships? Now that’s more like a rabid raccoon that got real cozy in your kitchen. It’s there, it’s not supposed to be, and it can be pretty dangerous. So let’s talk about that raccoon.

Recognizing Narcissism and Abuse

These days, narcissism is one of the most misunderstood and overused labels in our culture. People throw the term around lightly—like calling anyone who pauses to snap a selfie 'narcissistic.' But true narcissism is far more complex and deeply rooted than this surface-level misconception.

Real narcissism isn’t just about the person who loves themselves a bit too much; it’s more like someone who loves themselves to the point they can’t stand the idea that you might also be a whole person.

If you’re in a relationship where someone’s convinced they’re the only full, complex human being in the room, while you’re basically just an accessory—well, that’s one big red flag right there.

Abuse and control in relationships are like moldy bread; once you spot it, it’s usually spread further than you think. Abuse isn’t always about black eyes and broken bones, either.

There are subtler ways it creeps in—manipulation, controlling your time and friendships, the constant belittling or gaslighting to make you feel about as substantial as a rice cake.

One day, you’re just minding your business, and the next, you’re questioning if you even have the right to choose your own friends.

Narcissists tend to be good at hiding this at first. Think of a narcissist like one of those haunted house guides who takes you by the hand and says, “Trust me, nothing to worry about!” And then BAM! You’re in a maze of emotional horror. You end up doubting your own thoughts, feeling isolated, and walking on eggshells.

It’s Not Just “Rough Times”

A big misconception, and I mean big, is that abuse can be worked through if you just try hard enough.

Like it’s just another relationship hiccup. Look, if someone’s treating you like a punching bag—whether that’s emotionally, mentally, or physically—it’s not a “tough phase.” It’s not going to just clear up like acne in your 20s. Abuse isn’t something you “get through.” It’s a violation of your safety and your dignity.

Even the Bible, the very foundation some people try to twist to defend staying in unhealthy situations, speaks against abuse.

Proverbs 10:6 says, “Blessings crown the head of the righteous, but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked.”

Let me be real clear here: “violence” isn’t just fists. It’s also manipulation, controlling behavior, and words that make you feel less than human.

In other words, that nagging feeling you get when someone’s treating you poorly isn’t just in your head. The Holy Spirit is sending you red alerts, and ignoring those can land you in a pretty dangerous place.

Abuse isn’t something you handle alone; it’s something that needs a reckoning, ideally from the outside.

Breaking the Cycle

Now, we’ve all heard that classic line, “Everyone deserves a second chance,” right? But when we’re talking about abuse, that second chance should come with a whole load of responsibility and transparency, not blind forgiveness.

If you’re dealing with someone who’s crossing boundaries repeatedly, forgiveness without consequence is just giving them a pass to do it all over again.

Breaking the cycle of abuse requires immediate action—and with backup.

If you’re facing physical abuse, your number one move is always to secure your safety. This is the point where you pull in the big dogs: 911, a pastor, home group leader, a counselor, a shelter, even that neighbor who lifts weights in his garage and seems to know everybody’s business.

It’s time to prioritize your well-being, remembering that caring for yourself is not selfish but a reflection of God's desire for us to steward our lives wisely. After all, we are called to love others as we love ourselves—and that begins with honoring the life God has entrusted to us.

Finding a Jedi for the Relationship Battle

Once you’re safe (or if the abuse is less physical but still harmful), the next step is seeking help with someone neutral. This isn’t a job for your best friend, who will give you biased pep talks about how your partner’s the worst person alive. What you need is someone like a pastor, a counselor, or even a mediator who can handle the situation without getting emotionally tangled. If they have experience in handling relationship abuse, even better.

Getting an unbiased third party is critical, because here’s the kicker: narcissistic or controlling partners are experts at twisting words and creating confusion. It’s hard to call out toxic behavior when you’re the only one seeing it. Bringing in a neutral party not only shines a light on the problem, but it helps cut through the manipulation and control tactics that can make you feel isolated or trapped.

Narcissists and Control Freaks Don’t Get to Call the Shots

Now, sometimes an abusive partner will tell you outright that you “better not” seek outside help. And if you’re thinking, “Well, that’s a bit suspicious,” you’re onto something.

When someone actively resists letting you speak with others, it’s usually because they know that their behavior doesn’t stand up to any kind of outside scrutiny.

If your partner’s response to your attempts at healthy intervention is to shut it down, there’s no clearer sign that something’s wrong.

Relationships don’t survive by keeping one person in the dark; they thrive on transparency, respect, and equal footing.

If your partner has a hard time with that, it’s worth considering that they may not have your best interest at heart.

Remember: they have no legal right to dictate who you can or cannot speak to about your well-being.

Whether it’s a counselor, a pastor, or a trusted professional, if you feel compelled to reach out, that’s your choice. Not theirs.

The Truth Will Set You Free

When it comes down to it, truth-telling is your ticket to freedom. Abuse and control thrive in the shadows, under layers of manipulation and guilt-tripping that keep you guessing and second-guessing.

The Bible says, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32).

If you’re stuck in a loop of feeling “not enough” or “too much” all at once, that’s not your identity—that’s abuse talking. And here’s the good news: it doesn’t have to stay that way.

Practical Steps to Start Walking in Freedom

So, what do you do next? Here’s the actionable rundown:

1. Recognize the Signs of Abuse and Control

Abuse comes in many forms, and recognizing it is the first step to breaking free. Be aware of these signs:

• Gaslighting: Constantly being told, “You’re overreacting,” “That never happened,” or “You’re imagining things,” when you know the truth.

• Isolation: Being discouraged or outright prevented from seeing friends, family, or anyone who could support you.

• Physical Harm: Any form of physical aggression, intimidation, or violence, no matter how minor it may seem at first.

• Sexual Abuse: Being forced into sexual activity without your full consent or being pressured to perform acts you’re uncomfortable with, even within a marriage or relationship.

• Economic Abuse: Controlling your access to money or resources, such as withholding your paycheck, giving you an allowance, or sabotaging your ability to work or manage finances.

• Emotional Abuse: Constant criticism, belittling, name-calling, or manipulation designed to make you feel unworthy or incapable.

• Spiritual Abuse: Using your faith or beliefs to manipulate or control you, such as twisting scripture to justify their behavior or to make you feel guilty.

2. Set Clear Boundaries

Decide what behaviors you will and won’t accept, and clearly communicate them. For example:

• “I won’t engage in conversations where I’m being yelled at or demeaned.”

• “I will not cancel plans with my friends or family because you demand it.”

If your boundaries are consistently ignored or disrespected, consider it a major red flag that the relationship may be unhealthy.

3. Seek Support from Professionals

Reach out to people equipped to help you process and take next steps. This could include:

• A licensed counselor or therapist trained in dealing with abuse.

• A trusted pastor who can provide spiritual guidance and accountability.

• A mediator if you’re trying to safely navigate changes in a relationship.

Avoid solely leaning on friends or family, as their bias or lack of expertise could hinder your progress.

4. Refrain from Gossiping About Your Relationship

Instead of venting to everyone in your social circle, focus on sharing your concerns with people who can help. For example:

• Schedule a session with a counselor to work through your feelings.

• If you need prayer support, ask a pastor or trusted prayer group, rather than broadcasting your struggles to everyone.

This will prevent unnecessary drama and keep the focus on productive solutions.

5. Prioritize Your Safety—Physically and Emotionally

• If you feel physically unsafe, leave immediately and call 911 or a domestic violence hotline. For example, the National Domestic Violence Hotline in the U.S. is 800-799-SAFE (7233).

• If emotional safety is a concern, create space for yourself by minimizing contact or arranging for time apart while seeking help.

• Have a safety plan in place, like identifying trusted people who can help you leave or shelter you if necessary.

A Final Word

Abuse isn’t just “tough times.” It’s not what God intends for you, and it’s not something you were created to endure. You are not called to live under the weight of fear, shame, or control. Abuse is a violation of the worth and dignity God has given you, and it demands action, courage, and the support of His truth and love.

Breaking free from cycles of abuse, stepping away from toxic control, and reclaiming the abundant life God promises is a journey of faith and transformation. It won’t always be easy, but every boundary set, every prayer lifted, and every step forward is a testimony of God’s strength working in you. His grace will sustain you, and His love will restore you.

You are a beloved child of God, created in His image and redeemed through Christ. You are worth fighting for because God has already fought for you. He sees your pain, hears your cries, and walks beside you, offering the courage and wisdom to take the next step toward healing.

The truth will set you free, and that truth is found in God’s love. Trust in Him, lean on His promises, and allow His light to guide you out of the darkness. Your freedom is waiting, and God’s arms are open wide to welcome you into the peace and joy you deserve.